Aside from children, our biggest weak spot is our pets. They’re such a part of the family that we spoil them rotten — we spend tens of billions of dollars on them each year in the United States.
From the sublime to the ridiculous, you can get pretty much anything you want for your dog or cat. Here we take a look at some of the more unusual items that you can buy for your pet.
1. Dog Beer
Of all the human things that dogs are really envious of, it’s probably beer. At one point you could buy nonalcoholic Happy Tail Ale, aimed at dogs. Unfortunately this seems to have been discontinued. But another nonalcoholic brew has entered the market: Bowser Beer.
2. Dog Tattoos
Presumably to go with their dog ale, do-it-yourself dog tattoos are available over the internet. Creative groomers say these temp tattoos are okay; PETA disagrees. It’s up to you, of course.
3. Pet High Chair
Dinner just isn’t dinner unless your dog can join in, but not on the floor like a regular pet. Oh no, at the table. Much the same as an actual baby high chair, this accessory grips onto the table and presumably allows your pet to make polite conversation over dinner.
4. Pet Sauna
You probably don’t have a sauna for yourself, let alone one for your pets. But you could. For a mere $450 for the “basic” pet sauna or $550 for the “Regent” design, your dog or cat will enjoy a healthy radiance from infrared heat. The sauna is portable, so Mr. Sparkles doesn’t have to go without when you visit friends.
5. Puppy Tweets
Dogs are probably envious of our Twitter capabilities. “If only we had opposable thumbs!” (we imagine they’d say). Well, worry no more, as the Puppy Tweets electronic dog tag automatically uploads, via USB, a suitable tweet depending on the level of activity of the dog. Or at least that’s what it’s supposed to do. This clumsy product has terrible reviews online.
6. Treat Launcher
Throwing a dog a bone is so passé, darling. The Snackshotz Treat Launcher is basically like a race starter gun that launches your dog’s treats up to 10 feet away. Quite why you’d want to is anyone’s guess, but it could be fun?
7. Butt Covers
One thing that every pup does is lick his butt, but have you stopped to think whether the dog finds this as embarrassing as you do in public? You can preserve his/her decency the rest of the time with the Rear Gear Butt Cover. Don’t worry, there are butt covers for cats too.
Choose from various designs including a cupcake, a pair of dice or a sheriff’s badge and stick this cover over the “area.” Truly bizarre. Unfortunately, these amazing stickers are sold out right now.
8. Doggy Treadmill
Surely one of the laziest accessories? Well, if you simply don’t have the time, you can bore the socks off your dog by relegating her walks to an hour on the treadmill. And all for just $1,000 or so.
9. PetCare Robot
If you’re out of town and miss those precious moments with your dog… you can still enjoy them with the PetCare Robot, which allows you to talk over the internet and play ball with a remote-control ball thrower! This bizarre pet product came out a few years ago and is rare these days; check Ebay if you’re interested.
When your dog (or cat) is neutered, he may feel like something is missing. He needs Neuticles, implants to replace his proudest assets. Created by Greg Miller and first implanted in his own dog Buck the bloodhound, these implants will make your pooch the envy of other dogs in the dog run.
You can get a pair of these ridiculous fake testicles for $139+. I guess you could say that’s a deal you’d be nuts to pass up.