Let’s face it: No one is as interesting as your own pets or children. Yet most people don’t seem to understand this basic truth.
Here are 5 really annoying things that some people with pets do.
1. Use your pet’s picture as your Facebook profile picture.
This is right up there with using your kid’s picture. Get your own identity.
2. Justify your pet’s bad habits using pop psychology.
Your dog doesn’t whine at the door because he was taken from his mother too early or he was the runt of the litter and thus has an inferiority complex. Your dog whines at the door because you haven’t trained him properly.
Your cat probably does not claw up your furniture in an act of passive aggression because she doesn’t like your new boyfriend/girlfriend. Your cat claws up your furniture because that is what cats do for fun.
3. Brag about the breed.
So you spent $5,000 on a pet. All that shows is what a doofus you are for making your pet a status symbol and not going to the local animal shelter to save a homeless animal.
If you got a purebred pet so you could join that animal’s own special society, meet with other people who have the same breed and socialize with people who “understand” that breed, please see the last 4 words of #1.
4. Talk for your animal.
Although this is hours of fun for people in your household, it is astoundingly boring for most people.
I’m not interested in your turtle’s musings about Hume. I’m not even interested in your musings about Hume. Telling me through your turtle doesn’t make it edgy and interesting.
5. Talk about your pet’s bowel movements.
It doesn’t matter if this is over dinner or not. I would rather not hear about your ferret’s litter box habits, how your cat drinks out of the toilet even though you’ve put out fresh water, or how your dog’s poop got all over the sidewalk because it was so runny. It is always gross.
You might also want to read my list of 10 annoying things that people who don’t have pets do.