We’ve all heard the label “crazy cat lady,” but how many of us really qualify for the title?
And what type of requirements are we talking about? As a cat lover myself, I considered the many crazy things we might do to earn us this label.
Here is my lighthearted list of 20 reasons you might be called a crazy cat lady. Keep score as you go to view your results at the end of the article.
1. You forget toilet paper but buy the mega bonus pack of lint rollers.
If you have cats, you know how their hair can get on everything. And I mean everything. A lint roller is a working person’s saving grace when it comes to looking polished at the office. If you’ve ever run out of toilet paper or paper towels … yet you have an extra drawer just for lint rollers.
2. You stopped wearing certain colors of clothing because it makes all the cat hair that much more obvious.
Maybe you avoid wearing black so your kitty’s white hairs aren’t draped everywhere. Or you stop wearing white because your cat is black. Either way, if too much cat hair is the overriding concern, you might have issues.
3. You can’t sleep unless a cat is in bed with you.
Do you stay awake wondering where the cat is? Or where your many cats are? If you’re so used to a purring pillow draped over your chest or wrapped around your head that you have trouble sleeping without it, that’s another leap toward crazy cat lady.
4. You will alter your sleeping position to cater to your cats.
Say your cat loves to sleep on your pillow. What happens when they are already there or they climb into bed and cradle your head just to push it out of the way? If you move to indulge your cat’s preferences, it might be a bit much.
5. You clean the litter boxes before you even have coffee in the morning.
You might forget to eat breakfast or lock the front door, but rest assured the litter boxes are sparkling clean every day.
6. You evaluate your relationships based on the person’s love of cats.
Your dating profile says, “Must love cats.” Even if it doesn’t, you find a way to slip it into conversation to test your potential date or existing relationship who might not have been to your house yet. If they look like they want to hurl a hairball, you’re out of there.
7. Every time you are required to add a photo to social media, it’s always a picture of one of your cats.
Whether it’s your Facebook page, Twitter profile or even your LinkedIn business page, for crying out loud, good ol’ Fluffball is front and center.
8. If an item of clothing has a paw print, leopard spots or a cat on it, you buy it.
Did you really need the Hello Kitty power pink flannel pajamas? Sure, they’re warm and comfortable, but you don’t have to buy every piece of clothing with a cat on it.
9. You save every box from deliveries just because you know your cats will want to play with them.
Well, cats do love boxes, right?
10. You spent more on your cat’s birthday gifts than your own family and friends combined.
So Mom didn’t get that blender, and your nephew had to settle for a magnet instead of the new Xbox game he wanted. But that’s OK since your kitty received the most extravagant cat tree ever. If your cash is flowing more freely to your cat than to other humans, you might be a crazy cat lady.
11. Your cat has more outfits than anyone else in your home.
Christmas clothes, Easter outfits and Halloween costumes are priorities when it comes to your cat crew. But when you take inventory of your cat closet and it exceeds that of a human member of the household, you might have a problem.
12. You delay going to sleep or using the bathroom if a cat is in your lap.
If you do move them to get up, you apologize profusely and feel horrible afterward.
13. You don’t invite guests back if your cat doesn’t like them.
Your brother brings over his new girlfriend for dinner. She offers her hand to your cat — who then sniffs, takes a step back and runs to hide under the sofa. You take this as a clear sign the woman is evil and pack up their dinner to go.
14. Most of your pictures are of your cats.
Family photos are displayed lovingly on fireplace mantels and on hallway walls — except in your house, where the cats take center stage while the human photographs hide in a drawer. If you swap out your cat picture for humans when expecting company, add a bonus point for this one.
15. You buy more cat food and litter than you do food at the grocery store.
There’s always delivery, right? If you run out of space for your own food because your shopping cart is filled with litter boxes, cat food bags, treats and toys, you might have a problem.
16. Your idea of a good weekend is cruising Petfinder to find more cats to adopt.
If you’ve already identified with most of the previous items in this list, chances are you probably already have enough cats. Adopting even more pets means increased responsibility and cost, and you should realistically evaluate how many cats is too many for your home, budget and abilities.
17. You buy a stroller, but you don’t have a baby.
Baby? No, you intend on strolling around the neighborhood with Miss Priss in tow. We’ve heard of walking a cat on a leash, but rolling them around in a baby stroller might have your neighbors double-checking their door locks.
18. Every phone or tablet you own has a custom cover featuring your cat.
Bringing your custom-covered electronic devices to a business meeting might elicit some surprised looks.
19. You give up your own bed.
If you head to the bedroom to go to sleep, see it covered in cats and choose to sleep on the sofa or another room instead of disturbing the slumbering felines, you might be a crazy cat lady. It’s your bed! Take it back.
20. You save cat hair dust bunnies so they can be woven into figurines later.
Whoa. That is not art. Put the cat hair down.
Crazy Cat Lady Scoring
- 0–5: It’s not serious yet, so let’s just say you’re a crazy cat lady in training.
- 6–10: Family and friends have stopped visiting, and co-workers pretend to be on the phone when you walk by.
- 11–15: It’s gotten so bad, your loved ones are planning to stage an intervention.
- 16–20: Even the neighbors have started calling animal control to report you. You’re as crazy as they come, crazy cat lady.
